Yes, it has been another extremely long hiatus for The Hall Pass since my stay at Ghetto Disney, some two months ago. And no, I wasn’t kidnapped by the seven dwarves and forced to stay at Disney until I admitted that my stay was “magical” or “enchanting.”
I simply have been too busy since my last post – a weak excuse I know, but upon further review, a lot has happened since that post:
1) I closed my first deal at my new company;
2) I won my first poker tournament outright (no deals at the final table);
3) I won my second poker tournament;
4) I finished at the final tables of three other poker tournaments;
5) Terrell Owens was suspended for the year (this had relatively no effect on me, other than making my one bad fantasy football team even worse).
So, amid all the travels and sports events of the last few months, I have been taking notes and, thus… here’s another edition of my random thoughts:
I am writing this on a plane right now and someone on the plane just vomited – it’s not a pleasant aroma. This isn’t a random thought, per se; I just thought I’d share.
I agree with the hordes of people who believe Terrell Owens is a complete jackass. He signed a contract and should’ve honored it. I don’t have a clue where he’ll end up next year, but I can’t imagine he’ll be there long, either.
The only bigger jackass than Owens during the whole debacle was Owens’ agent, Drew Rosenhaus. His “Next Question” press conference following T.O.’s suspension not only featured Rosenhaus looking like a complete idiot, it showed him being a complete idiot with one of the ugliest ties ever made. If I ever decided to be a total jackass on national television, I promise I would at least be well dressed.
Another thought on Rosenhaus: How has the Bush administration not hired this guy to be the White House Press Secretary??? Wouldn’t he be phenomenal in that job?
“Mr. Rosenhaus, the war in Iraq has…”
“NEXT QUESTION!”
Mr. Rosenhaus, the economy seems to be…”
“NEXT QUESTION!”
“Mr. Rosenhaus, the budget deficit is…”
“NEXT QUESTION!”
I was surprised to see that early line on the USC-Texas Rose Bowl was USC -7. I do think USC’s offense is the best I have ever seen, but Texas’ offense is not too shabby either. Add in the fact that Texas has a much better defense than USC and I think you’ve got the makings for an upset. Sure, this might be one of those games where the team who has the ball last wins, but I think the UT defense will have one more stop in them than the Trojans D. As they say, “Offense wins games; defense wins championships.” Hook ‘em Horns.
I am a huge fan of watching football played in the snow – especially now that I have HD. I mean, how awesome did the Chicago-Pittsburgh and New England-Buffalo games look this past weekend in HD???? New England was up huge early and I still watched. I think the NFL needs to ban domes and force all Northeastern cities to have at least three home games in December.
Was anyone else surprised that Jay Feely kept his job after missing those three field goals against Seattle three weeks ago? I can think of at least five teams that would’ve cut him instantly the following week.
The Houston Texans are either the craftiest point-shavers in history (in that they look like they are not intentionally throwing away games in order to secure Reggie Bush in next season’s draft) or they have gained the number one all-time ranking on the “Teams that invent new ways to lose” list.
Not to sound too much like Seinfeld, but what’s the deal with drug companies simultaneously producing and marketing certain drugs and “fast-acting” versions of the exact same drugs? For example, why would anyone ever buy Tylenol or Immodium when there’s “Fast Acting Tylenol” and “Fast Acting Immodium” right next to them on the shelves???!!! Do people actually stand in the drugstore aisle and think to themselves, “This headache really isn’t that bad, I’d like to get rid of it, but not for at least an hour.” Or, “Man, this diarrhea is awesome! I want it gone, but not immediately!”
The only thing better than winning a poker tournament, is winning a poker tournament by eliminating the loudmouth who has been trash-talking at the table all day.
I think George Bush is the Atlanta Hawks of politics. It doesn’t matter what decisions he makes, what players he drafts (no pun intended), what coaches he hires – he just can’t seem to put together a winning record.
The World Poker Tour and the World Series of Poker Circuit are both going to be in Tunica in January. My head might explode.
I just read in a GQ Magazine reader poll that 33% of men would pick Angelina Jolie as the female celebrity they’d want to have sex with. 33%!!!! That’s incredible to me. What other woman in our lifetime would’ve gotten that much of the popular vote at a given time?
Pamela Anderson circa 1999?
Elle McPherson circa 1980?
Farrah Fawcett, circa 1975?
Go read “A Million Little Pieces” by James Frey. Take the “Oprah’s Book Club” sticker off the cover and if anyone asks you if you heard about the book from the Oprah show, say, “Umm, no. I read about it on The Hall Pass.”
The Slingbox – a device which lets you watch your home television and DVR anywhere in the world where there’s a high-speed connection - is by far the coolest invention to hit television since Tivo. If you travel a great deal, it’s a must. It’s like they are finding new ways for me to fuel my television and sports gambling habits. Also, it’s fun to change the channel remotely when I know my wife is watching the TV at home.
I will try to post a picture of this soon, but on the highway down to the casinos in Tunica, MS, there is one of the funniest billboards I have ever seen. It’s a billboard for Bally’s Casino that features a photo of a large African-American casino employee with his arm around a very Caucasian casino patron. Underneath the picture is the quote, “At Bally’s, Mamadou treats me like family.” I see where they are going with this, but I half-expected the next billboard along the road to feature a mugshot of Mamadou and the caption, “Mamadou is now serving five to ten for touching a white person in Mississippi.” I mean, this the frickin’ state whose public university still flies the Rebel flag!!! Who came up with this ad campaign???
And finally, I need to address a disturbing phenomenon that had invaded television networks. Please – no more “______-ing with the Stars” or “Celebrity _______”! Are television executives so lame these days that they assume people will watch Celebrities do anything? Worse, why are people watching these shows? Seriously, we have “Celebrity Poker”, “Celebrity Blackjack”, “Celebrity Boxing”, “Celebrity Pool”, and the upcoming “Celebrity Bingo.” There’s “Dancing with the Stars”, “Figure Skating with the Stars” and the soon-to-be-released “Root Canals with the Stars.”
To begin with, the level of celebrity has declined on these shows so much that they have become sad. Seriously, if the average “Celebrity Show” viewer has to ask, at any point, “Who’s that?” or “What was he in?” the show doesn’t count as doing anything with the “Stars”!!!! They’re not stars, if no one knows who they are or remembers them!
Secondly, the shows really should be called “_______-ing Poorly with the Stars” or “Crappy Celebrity ________.” I mean, I have caught a few minutes of these things. They are all basically filled with celebrities doing the chosen activity really badly. I love poker shows, but the only reason I watch Celebrity Poker is to get insight into how bad players play. These shows simply have to stop.
Okay, we’ve now been cleared for landing, so I must turn the computer off and return my tray table to its upright and locked position. With any luck, no one else will vomit before we land.