Welcome to The Hall Pass! Over the coming months and years (at least until I get a book deal or my wife kills me), I will be writing about nothing but "guy" stuff: sports, poker, gambling, movies ("guy" movies), video games, and more. I hope you find the content funny, educational, and in some cases, profitable (although all information pertaining to poker and gambling are for informational purposes only). So without further ado, let's see where today's Hall Pass takes us.
SUMMER OF GEORGE
Before I dive into the heart of today's column, let me provide a little context around why today is the day I chose to begin my blogging career. Though confidentiality prohibits me from releasing all of the details, let's just say I was a little surprised two weeks ago, when my boss called me and said, "Todd, I have great news...we've discussed it during Executive Staff, and we've decided that it's time for you to start working on your blogging career."
Now, you might think that, as an aspiring writer, I would have been psyched by this news. However, since I was working at a software company that, upon searching the corporate directory, did not have any departments listed as "writing" or "blogging," I was none too pleased.
So, after doing a little more analysis of my manager’s comments, I quickly realized that, for the first time in five years, I was unemployed. And, I was pretty damn psyched about it, for, I had a plan: I would take a month off before beginning another job, and, like our friend, George Costanza, I would embark upon my Summer of George!
As a service to those non-Seinfeld fans reading this, the Summer of George refers to the Seinfeld episode in which the Yankees fire George and give him a 3-month severance package. He then informs Jerry that he is going to spend the three months really doing something with his time off: reading a book from beginning to end (in that order), playing "Frolf" (Frisbee golf), etc. He summarizes his plan by exclaiming to Jerry, "This is gonna be my time. It’s time to taste the fruits and let the juices drip down my chin. I proclaim this: the Summer of George!”
I have to admit, though, that my Summer of George had a small catch. Because I am now a 30-year-old with a wife and a dog to support, I felt I needed to limit my time-off to about a month. In essence, I needed to lock down another job, with a September start date, before fully-embarking on my month of sleeping to 11am, working out, playing poker, going to baseball games in MLB stadiums I hadn’t crossed off my list yet, and just doing relaxing “guy” stuff without a care in the world.
So, why launch The Hall Pass on this very day, August 9, 2005? Three reasons:
- My future job has been secured, with a September start date;
- At 12:01 this morning, Madden 2006 was released by EA Sports; and
- My local video game store, GameStop, was having a Madden “release” party.
Yes, a Madden 2006 release party.
And, yes, I have a local video game store.
IT’S IN THE GAME
Before I begin my account of this epic Madden event, please know that I have a hard time not laughing every time I type “Madden Release Party.” I mean, I live in a suburb of Memphis, TN. It wasn't as if, at any point during the party, the Madden Cruiser was going to pull into the parking lot, and John Madden, himself, was going to pop out of the bus and award me the "Horse Trailer Player of the Game" award.
Also, just to give you a sense of the demographics of my suburb - if my suburb was a state, it would’ve been colored bright red in the last election (a fact of which I am not that proud, but this isn’t a political blog). It’s a suburban community with a healthy mix of retired people, newlyweds, and new parents. I actually figured the party might not be all that interesting – maybe a few parents with their kids, maybe a few hard-core gamers, maybe some of my unemployed brethren.
So, imagine my surprise when, at 11:45pm, I rolled into the GameStop parking lot, barely awake, to find a line of about 30 people patiently waiting for the clock to strike 12:01am, so that they could gain the competitive advantage of having eight more hours to practice the game than their friends who will pick it up later today, during normal waking hours.
You know what, though?
I somewhat mock the effort, but it’s a shame more athletes don’t take the approach of this 30-person strong, dedicated, motley crew. I mean, do you think that, in the past few weeks, it ever crossed Terrell Owens’ mind that “hey, I might want to get into camp early, work a little harder than my competition, and get a leg up on some of the other guys in the league?”
Me neither.
Anyway, I immediately went to the front of the line to begin interviewing people. I have to say that I am continually amazed by the extent to which people will talk to you because you tell them that you are a reporter. Who would've thought that just telling people that I was doing a story for The Hall Pass, a newly-launched web magazine (circulation at present: zero), would've gotten me anywhere with anyone? At first, I thought that maybe I had gotten some advance publicity or something, but, after noticing that one of the guys actually was bummed when I didn’t ask him for his name, I realized that some of these guys were just really excited about the game, and were willing to chat about Madden with anyone who wanted to listen.
I approached the first guy in line, who indicated that he had secured pole position by getting there an hour early. Contestant number two was a 30-something year old man who had been there since 11:05pm and seemed somewhat disappointed that the kid in front of him had snagged the top spot just five minutes before him. I asked the salutatorian if he had a job to go to in the morning.
He replied, “Yeah, man. I am thinking of calling in sick, though.” I looked at him and said, “Of course you are! How could you not? You can’t be the first to get the game, and then waste eight hours at work while everyone gets better than you – are you crazy?”
Standing in stunned silence, he seemed to move through a range of emotions:
- Anger – “Damn, he’s right.”
- Sadness – “I can’t believe I have to go to work tomorrow.”
- Denial – “Maybe they won’t notice if I am gone."
- Acceptance – “Most people have to work tomorrow, so I do, too."
- Refusal – “Nah, I can skip. I won’t get caught.”
- Change of Heart – “I might be able to pull this off.”
- Commitment – “There’s no way that I am going to work tomorrow.”
Quite simply, my interaction with this man made the trip worth it.
I quickly found the store manager, who informed me that the store expected between 50-60 people for the party. His estimate was based on the number of people (including yours truly) who had, at some point in the past few months, put down a deposit on the game, or prepaid for the game in full. I asked him if he was surprised by the turnout and he said, “Not at all. We had three times as many people when Halo 2 came out.” Yikes.
After wrapping up with the manager, I took my spot in the back of the line, behind approximately thirty 20-30 year-old men and one woman. Then, promptly at 12:01am, the store manager began letting people into the store, 10 at a time, to pick up their game. As the line moved and I was approaching the front door, I learned that there was a little wrinkle to this party.
Just like the velvet ropes outside of your favorite nightclubs, there seemed to be a pecking order to this party as well. I learned this after the manager, holding his hand to my chest, as if to block access to the store, asks, “Are you a VIP?”
“In some circles,” I replied.
“Well, have you prepaid for the game in full?” he asked.
After explaining that I had only put down a $5 deposit on the game, he informed me, “Well, then you are not a VIP.”
Damn, that’s cold.
I paused for a moment to process this information: Because I have traveled so much over the past few years, I have elite status on many major airlines and hotel chains. I don’t ever have to wait in the main security line at the airport. I usually get free first-class upgrades. I don’t have to wait in the long check-in lines in hotels. Hell, if I am with the right friend, I get to sit in the owner’s box at a Washington Nationals game or jump to the front of the line at Drei’s in Vegas.
But I am not a VIP at the local GameStop? Upon reflection, I decided this wasn’t so bad, given that I am 30. And married. For now.
With head held low, I entered the store and joined the rest of the scrubs in the non-VIP line, which, to my amusement, was ½ the length of the VIP line, and closer to the “refreshments.”
Now, I have been to a few swanky galas and theme parties in my day, and occasionally I will notice that a great amount of thought and effort is usually given to the catering of these events. For example, a Hawaiian luau might have roasted pig, or a “BBQ and Beer” party might have, everyone together now, some BBQ and beer.
So, what would be the absolute perfect catering for a midnight, video-game release party? Well, the catering consisted of one table, with nothing on it, except 20 grab bags of Doritos. Underneath the table there was a tub filled with ice and cans of fully-caffeinated sodas. I am not sure whether it was intentional or not (actually, I am sure it wasn't), but, come on! They should’ve just divided us into three lines upon entering the store: VIPs, non-VIPs, and Stoners.
Around 12:20am, I finally received my game, paid the balance I owed, thanked the manager, and headed home to write this, my first issue of The Hall Pass. And though I can barely keep my eyes open because I am too old to be doing stupid stuff like this, I will now open the game, log-on to the Madden 2006 online game server, and get my ass kicked by a 10-year old in Kansas.
Let the The Summer of George begin.